Friday, June 20, 2014

Amada sin medida

2014. Is it only June 20?

The beginning of this year began like a dream, but by the end of January and halfway through February, I abruptly awoke from many dreams. Loss seemed to hover over each week. I waited for the next phone call, text, email, or conversation that brought heart breaking news. My heart had never physically hurt like it did and I never thought putting one foot in front of the other would require so much strength. I tried to hide the extent of what I felt, but couldn't. (I am more thankful for Pam Brassart now than I have ever been. I saw daily, sometimes hourly, the true character of my Mama. She truly is a gem and deserves to be called blessed). And I admit that Jesus was who I tried to seek but darkness seem to shroud his face. Some of you know what I am talking about. Others may not ,and that is okay. I had to see the day minute by minute and not as a 24hr day. (Believe me, I know how crazy it sounds, because I thought I was crazy).

Why did more than one special relationship end either by human decision-making or by death?
Why did a dream of grad school crumble?
Why was my practicum not what I hoped?
Why did granddaddy pass away a month before graduation?
Actually, why did any of this happen before graduation?

I don't humanly know. 

BUT there are several things I do know. 

Someone very dear shared these things that helped alter my perspective. 
1. We cannot truly be like Jesus unless we have experienced sorrow. He was the man of sorrows.
2. We are in good company when Satan bullies and darkness hides Jesus. Peter told Jesus he would never deny him. Jesus compassionately responded saying, "Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift all of you as wheat, but I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail." Even now, Jesus is sitting beside God the Father and interceding on our behalf.
3. He wounds so that he may heal. His timing is not ours and the process may take longer than we imagined, but Joy will come.

Today, I am still lying in bed recovering from a surgery that has caused me to be on my stomach and sides for almost a month. There have been good days and bad days, and I have continued to learn a few things.

1. Jesus really can do more than we ask or imagine: I am moving to Baylor in little over a week. The grad school dream is back.
2. He allowed and He really did know all along what 2014 would hold thus far, and he knew to the extent my heart would hurt and how it would need to be healed.
3. "He is too wise to make a mistake and too loving to be unkind."

Today I received an incredible graduation gift. In high school Spanish, I was given the name Amada. Today, I opened a gift that says, "Amada sin medida." That translates to "loved beyond measure." How special to have the reminder that my name whether in English or Spanish (Amiee or Amada) means "beloved."

2014 has happened for my good and His glory.
You and I are loved beyond measure.